Thursday, February 18, 2010

Do the next right thing.

Four years ago I was wandering my uncles' house aimlessly by day, curled fetal-style scream-crying because of unbearable emotional/mental anguish, or sleeping far too much. Quite vividly I remember wondering how my uncle could do something as complex as fill out a check. I kid you not. Now, I am in my final semester of college and don't remember my last breakdown. Yes, you heard me correctly -- I don't remember my last breakdown.

What is the secret to my success?

I don't want it to be a secret. That is the new direction this blog is taking. I resume my proverbial pen and will somehow figure out how to make this blog easier to find for those in need of proof that


I have a story that I want to share. There is hope.

An update on my life:

Besides being in my last semester of college, I am even more actively the president of our Gay/Straight Alliance. In fact, the other officers and I set out to Madison tomorrow right after we finish our last classes for the Midwest Bisexual Lesbian Gay Transgender Ally College Conference 2010 (MBLGTACC 2010)! One of the workshops is called "In Our Own Voices: Living With Mental Illness." I really hope to report on this one here for you all.

I've stepped back from the madness of the Department and have decided this semester to focus on securing my graduation (!!!) and health. This semester is focused on health, graduation, activism, and preparation for the future. This mindset had gotten me here:

Just do the next right thing.

The only hope you have to influence your future is the actions you take in the present. Overwhelming, it may seem. Merely READING this idea would make me nervous if I didn't adhere to the basis: Don't worry about the series of "right things." Just focus on making the next one.

Simple concept. Not so simple to carry out.

The key is applying this in all areas of life: food intake, sleep patterns, time management.

My dear friend and psychology professor helped me realize the place of medication:

Medication merely levels the playing field, gives you a fair baseline. Anything beyond mediocrity is up to you.

This is achieved through applying the above as I've suggested.

Now, adhering to my own suggestions, it's time to take that dubious Geodon (which I still haven't reached a conclusion on past years' wonderings) which I must thank in part for my success. I am taking minimal medication: 80mg Geodon at night, 10mg generic Adderal/10mg Lexapro/150mg generic Lamictal in the morning. You must counter-balance Geodon with an anti-depressant.

I could go on and on ... but that's what following days are for. I can't wait to recount this weekend's adventures Sunday when I get back!

I think I've coined this phrase:

"Be well and do good."

Love all ways always,