Monday, April 27, 2009


Our theater flooded.

Yes, flooded. For half an hour. Not by rain, but water gushing from a broken sprinkler head that activated all the others (I'll spare you the details...but will say it was due to misweighed fly system). 30' worth of a sprinkler system. All over our set pieces and backdrops I assisted the designer in painting. The show--the largest show (musical) of the year, showcasing the seniors--was scheduled to go up on Thursday. This coming Thursday. Yeah, not happening...

This is a huge theater for a college. 30' wide acting area? A very important space not only for the theatre department, but those we rent to and any other presentations we host with our incredible number of seats.

The water seeped into the design studio and storage, too.

So, everything's being rescheduled. This huge, tiring show is set to go up the Thursday-Saturday before the week of finals. I heard the most powerful professor laughed at other faculty protestations at a highly stressful idea (and all the other repercussions of such an idea) for students. He laughed and said it just eliminates our time to procrastinate. This said to seniors carrying 20+ credit hour loads (18 is considered an overload) also, trying to graduate on time due to an advisor's poor planning. The official e-mail letting us know the changes is the title of this blog and my best friend pointed out the irony of the lyrics to that Bowie song:

And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations
They're quite aware of what they're going through

(Turn and face the strain)
Don't tell t hem to grow up and out of it
(Turn and face the strain)
Where's your shame
You've left us up to our necks in it
Time may change me
But you can't trace time

And I have papers and work, models and homework, classes and meetings--and had a rather epic breakdown last Thursday night which results in a doctor's visit Wednesday and a couple of extensions; I'm starting to swing into a depression after a minor mania managed magnificently. (Sorry, couldn't resist.) But I'm at the point where sometimes I have a lot of trouble making decisions. But I'm not just a painter for this show...I have to work the fly system during the show. Yeah, the one that got out of control. Wee! :-\

My best friend is one of those 20+ cred-carrying seniors, who is Assistant Stage Managing the show and works in the costume shop...(those of us who work in the shops aren't getting this extra week to study--we're expected to help reconstruct the theatre AND work on the show...I work the scene shop, where there was damage. Luckily, my boss is reasonable. Her boss is the laugher.). We decided it was a good idea to go for a hike in the woods separating our school from a park while the weather was nice because my classes were done and hers got canceled.

We got lost looking for a specific bridge, but decided to sit on a felled tree on the shore next to some standing water in a low point of the huge park. The water was deep enough for us to spy a duck bathing. In the taller grass, I spotted a mama duck and SEVERAL baby ducks. They swam into sight and I noticed that last little duck kept getting distracted and lagging behind, but swimming super fast to catch up until it inevitably happened again. I decided it is a he and his name is Zoom Zoom. We witnessed daddy duck bite an intruding male duck and watched him to continue securing the premise while his family crawled onto our "shore" to dry off and play.

We agreed that life is good.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Title: 1_45a on the fifteenth of abril 2009 A.D.

My pores sit among the day's work on my skin,
My tongue skims across the day's skin on my teeth.
I feel dirty.
So I washed them.
And it was simple.

Clean, but water under my ribbon necklace,
Clean, but water under Her car-part ring.
I feel uncomfortable.
So I dried myself.
And it was simple.

My thoughts scamper anxiously through dirtballs,
My mind holds stead-fast for control.
I feel worried.
So I think of Her.
And it is simple.

There is a specific attempt at structure. I'll let you diagram that out for yourself. I feel moved to explain the process, however. This poem was active; it was an exercise in simplifying. The first two lines reflect my over-analytic, cumbersomely complex --"frilly"-- thoughts followed by my conscious effort to simplify them through simplifying my perception of my feelings, which is why they're written in present tense. Then, after writing that, I "fixed" the "problems," which were then past tense when I returned to write them. The last line of the first two stanzas is the seal, the point of the exercise. The last stanza is different in that the problem is my main concern--thoughts/inside my head. I was putting the solution to action at the time I wrote it, therefor the tense remains present. This experimentation may not be "correct"...but I think there is ultimately no measure of "correctness" in creativity and art.

As always, I'm interested in YOUR response(s). Thanks for reading--and Happy Tax Day! Hah. ;)

Sunday, April 12, 2009


Adhesive never sticks to these walls for long. Duct tape, even--and especially. The heavier the tape...the more effort and desire I have to stick something...the faster it falls. It's around this time of the semester that things really start falling. Well, the tape's losing it's grip...but I'm not allowing myself. Even though I sense personal tape possibly failing in my life. This part of the semester is also when I stop caring about having those images, albeit meaningful, stuck to my walls; other things take precedence.

I have cramps. I didn't take anything for it.

I have no time to think of images falling or relationships failing or anything but what needs to be done. I'm so wound up (bad caffeine choices made today) that I can't physically write in my hand--which never cramps--cramps at the speed of my thoughts. This is the first time in a long time that I'm genuinely grateful for a keyboard.

But, the last thing I'd like to point out there is this:

The dark circles under my eyes no longer look like I've taken a couple of blows from fighting life. And that? Is a real smile.

Happy Bunny Day/Easter/Sunday--enjoy those you love. Few things matter more.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Tweet on Blogger

...just sayin'...I can't WAIT to work this blog--layout, etc. etc., start selling things, start working a LOT, and start all of these projects reserved for lazy summertime...because it'll be summer vacation in 4(!!!!!!!) weeks.

This is good and bad news, for those of you who understand.

So, basically, this is a Tweet on Blogger. The ayyyynd! :)

PS, the sad truth:
Twoble with Twitter: SuperNews!

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Connect the Dots

You know what I realized tonight? Because that's how I realize a light switch. I realized tonight that I'm ready. I am ready to grow up.

What a loaded statement. But it's so true.

I am ready to begin life...I am ready to assume responsibility, learn how to put things in perspective, ready to fully master mySelf--my situations, my career(s), my outlook, my Life.

I feel as though I am blossoming...and the realizations come from others. Small things others have said, small gestures others have made in general--that trigger things. Small things not even meant for me, not even necessarily meant for inspiration. Truths.

It's not about you, or me, or one person--the picture is very large, and I find that if I let myself focus too intensely for too long and unnecessarily on myself--I become sad. Depressed. As long as I'm caring for myself, being aware of my needs and wants, I must also be aware of the brilliance of a life outside of myself...the world is so full of magnificent people to meet and form relationships with and enjoy and influence and grow and share. Love.

I'm ready to learn and prepare and be RESPONSIBLE. I'm ready to be stable and loving and joyful and interesting...and Happy. I know there will be tough times...but there will be so much joy for me. I am a Lucky Girl: I have love, and I have drive, and I have what it takes. I know it. I believe in myself. Finally, I believe in myself Despite.

I have many dreams...dreams turning to goals...and goals are for looking forward to. And I so look forward to what lies ahead of me, whatever it may be. The best part is that I don't KNOW exactly where I'll be going--no SET PATH. I have ideas, I have plans...but I'm staying flexible. And I believe that is the key. Rolling with the punches, as it were.

I am ready to succeed. I am ready. :)

Friday, April 3, 2009

Beautiful day

What a beautiful day I had today, and what a sweet relief...just for something "different." I wonder if everybody somehow carries on, looking forward to a break in routine, a break in even monotony...

Well, perhaps my day won't sound as gorgeous as it feels, maybe you don't enjoy the things I do or understand WHY I enjoy them so much...but maybe you can understand the feeling by remembering your own joy-causers...

I woke up later than expected this morning...I was going for 7:40, but got 9:50. That made me a little sad for myself because I thought I wouldn't some things done. But a class was I went to breakfast and had an asiago cheese bagel with sundried tomato cream cheese and a caramel latte. An upgrade to my new every-morning plain wheat with plain cream cheese and black coffee with a shot of vanilla. Interesting that I choose so. I didn't for any apparent reason.

Then, I had a bit of time and went shoe shopping. My old shoes I need to turn into paint shoes as my current ones are SHOT...and I really want a pair of, the Dickie's slip-on kind or Chucks of an obnoxious color. I think I've decided on medium blue. Ah...listen to a painter describe a color as "medium blue"!

PS-- My guru wrote me a LoR and officially called me an "artist" in it. ...just for that small written bit, I feel as though I've graduated or something. Like someone just gave me a degree with a title for my identity...or making my title-hopeful a title-official. just feels good that I'm an artist, not just a student, in his eyes. Brilliant.

Also, today I got to wear a skirt. YES! Wear a SKIRT! My scars from working in the shop and being just clumsy otherwise have faded almost away so I can wear them! I had the scholarship interview and I tried to look "like a million bucks" someone described it. I found a tweed jacket...geniune vintage...@ the Goodwill close to our school for $5.82. It matches the skirt that NOTHING ELSE MATCHES perfectly--it's pleated silk. I had a white cami under and (although I don't in this picture) I was wearing nylons...and they died today, but they fought the good fight. And the shoes look authentic vintage. Here, a picture:
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How vain!, you might think. But sometimes a girl's just gotta be a girl. Today was only special b/c I had the scholarship interview--a reason to dress up after wearing exclusively paint-clothes and not doing your hair. ...I guess I've still got a little performer in me.

I saw my uncle and laid down a groundplan sketch for my second design...

Then the interview. I'm not sure how it went. I was able to answer all of their questions but it didn't take very long. It was a panel of three men, all a bit difficult to read.

So, I headed over to have my Design meeting with Noel...he was a little busy, so I talked to the new Acting/Directing director at the school about the project I had just proposed...I wish I'd have said some of the things we had discussed then at the interview itself. Ah, well...if it's meant to be... Anyway, we talked for a long time and it was productive. Honestly, I wanted to show her that I clean up well... b/c acting directors actually really care about something like that...especially from one who floats between performance and technical/ always is in old, crappy clothes with messy hair. Anyway, I know she saw me in a new light after that--a better one.

Then I met with Noel and design meetings with him are so great. He's my yoda, seriously, and he knows me so well and I know there's so much to learn...and because I'm the only one studying under him his exact profession at the moment, it's like I'm an apprentice. I work alongside him, take lessons from him, learn from him--not just academic/design things, but life things, too. We're always in the same building, so we see each other a Lot. Anyway, that went well. We pondered over my new design and I did some things right!

Then I decided to work a little. I lowered the 42' backdrop I sewed and flew (put it on a pipe and raised it into the same position it's used for in performance when not in view) the day before and found an mended the parts of the actual canvas that needed mending b/c the cloth's ancient. The canvas is a tanned color...and the muslin (which makes up the lower half/extension) is cream...and I did this on-stage, so it was under stage's almost as if I were in costume, really, and I sat on the floor delicately, lady-like, as I hand-sewed that color of really looks like the sail of a ship. It would have made such an interesting picture...the first seam I sewed was in the muslin itself. It was the most beautiful stitch I've ever stitched. So even and constant. (There's a special stitch to mend theatre curtains and fabric scenery) The other three weren't as great...but I think I used all of my abilities. This is the thing...on the other side of the fabric, there were 4 upright pianos and to the left there was a baby grand. I listened to them each be tuned in my 1.5 hour sewing session...and it was like music to me, though it was just noise. So...almost like a little dada mixed with improv jazz. He was an old man, and he answered his phone at one point...he was talking music, talking business. And I thought about how extraordinary someone's life work being some sort of art. I'm so used to hearing about corporate America and the arts seem so far away...or did as I was growing up. Confined to a monitor or Chicago...anywhere else than where I was...somewhere beyond me. And now it's around me...and soon I'll be submerged in it...and soon, "someday soon!", that will be me. I won't just be an art student, I'll be an artist. I love it. I probably love it so much because it's a dream of mine come true.

Then I went to the cafeteria...and dinner was actually pretty good. And there was a waffle-cone ice cream after. :)! I love waffle cones too much.

Then I spent about an hour in relaxed company with two of my best friends...just--relaxed. Because today is Friday.

Now I'm here...getting worried that my lady won't I'm going to try again. I'm here, writing things out, about to do some productive things, and listening to Radiohead and the like.

Ah, what a beautiful day. :)

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Weird Fishes

My life is insanely busy and hectic now...compared to before. I'm not complaining; no, I hope to be reminded of how fortunate I am when I start whining. It's just that after a long, long day of non-stop going...the night is a harbor for whirling energy and emotion. Oh, how I wish I was truly eloquent. I feel so awkward in words tonight.

Tomorrow I have a scholarship application interview. This scholarship may be the very thing that allows me to complete my degree next year. It entails a community service project of the candidate's choice...mine being theater-related, naturally. I proposed creating, producing, and directing a traveling show for the surrounding middle-schools about bullying with a talk-back after. Here's the thing: I have a script in the works for the head of the psychology department on this very issue...but I'm at a standstill; I feel that I'm giving the characters of this age a dated, fabricated voice. Probably because it's TRUE! It seems so contrived. So, here's my plan: I'm taking another playwriting workshop over the summer and doing more research. There is a play our new Acting/Directing professor presented to me promptly: The Secret Life of Girls. I propose that after I read this and I feel that I can't produce better and this is the show I'm looking for, I will use The Secret Life of Girls as my script.

I became the president of my school's Gay/Straight Alliance (GSA). We're hosting an acoustic night/fundraiser/raffle for About Face Theatre, a leading LGBTQ theater in Chicago which may very well close its doors due to lack of funding. Hopefully we can do our part to help! And have fun, of course. :) I must admit...I really want to have official Gay Movie Nights all the time. I think it'll be fun. The membership fluctuates drastically, I hear. We shall see. In hindsight, I should not have logically jumped in to save this ship...but I'm glad I did. The staple members and I have fun...which makes it worthwhile. For the time being. I just need to organize/delegate for this big show! We're being co-sponsored by Student Activities and I think we're going to try and draw in the theatre club.

Tonight I went to another meeting...a Democrats club. I've not had time for it and have been avoiding it, but I really had to go tonight. I'm designing the shirt at the very least. Across the back it's going to read: "IT'S A BIG [insert my adaptation of a donkey's rear] PARTY." Yeah, we like to keep it classy. ;) The front looks official--the logo and my adaptation of a donkey's face. Probably a cartoon'd version of a vintage Dem symbol. Sweet.

And I have homework. Oh, do I have homework. And have to secure a place to live over the summer. And find a place to store the loft I built: 7' tall, fit for a queen-sized bed with 1' space on two sides. And secure a job...luckily, I have a few options.

They cut down on hours in the theatre. ...if it weren't for this Phoneathon I agreed to work and the FINAL arrival of a loan, I'd be so fucked. So, over the summer I'm lookin' to work @ a call center and focus on my designs...I'm designing two shows next year. They'll both be fun, but if I get them worked will be much easier.

See? Lots to do, but little room to complain. I guess the only thing I'm complaining about is having to analyze some Faulkner for tomorrow morning...not just some Faulkner, no, Absolom, Absolom! I need to have a little something prepared about the most complex character, Quentin, because my prof thinks I can handle it. Compliment taken, but...apparently it's one of Faulkner's most difficult/best pieces and you shouldn't start out with it. But here I go! Headlong, folks.

Oh, I'm also designing. Always. There are successes--and I'm out to prove a coupla people wrong! My, what fuel that.

And now, my lady is here after not seeing her in a week...we're both so busy. Some day, we'll have the same homebase. Until then, we con't to grow and manage...

Ah, my life is good. Don't let me forget that.